Paint me like I am
Why don’t you paint me Like I am? Paint me confident, Knocking down hurdles That stand in my way. Paint me with dirty blonde hair And jade eyes. Paint me daydreaming, Always lost in my own mind. Paint me as a writer, Becoming one with my stories. Paint me shattered, Trying to fix myself Piece by piece. Paint me as glue, Holding a broken family together. Paint me as a curtin, Hiding my true feelings from the world. Paint me without depression. Paint me without insecurities. Paint me without bottled up anger. Paint me so I am joyful. Can you see the face telling you To paint me mended. To paint me with a smile. To paint me painless.
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Waiting. Time seems to pass like molasses, or not at all. The ticking of the clock echoes in my skull. It is the pulse of my heart; it is the shallow breaths entering my lungs. I can’t stop my heart from beating, or if I did, I would no longer note the passage of Time. Though I may feel the tick, tick, tick, ticking resonating in my rib cage, Time and myself are not one and the same. Time is eternal. I am merely an ephemeral being taking up space but for a moment. But you see, a lifetime is in a moment. My hairs have grayed, my skin withered, and my spine has curled in on itself like a rose without water. All in a mere passing glance. Time takes its toll on us all, even in just a moment. A moment has passed here as I write, yet the entire lifespan of a bug is gone before I am done. It is a lifetime of waiting for me, but to those with the Clipboards and Pens it is pocket change. A moment and a millenium are the same. We may only quantify the difference between the two by comparing the mark Time leaves. Yet Time leaves the same mark in 100 years as 10 years; you must simply look at the bigger picture. Zoom out and see that Time is the unflinching energy of the universe. Time is what draws the planets towards each other while the galaxies are drawn apart. We, not even specks of dust in the enormity of the machine run by Time, attempt to jam its cogs. But we, not even specks of dust, are not in control. Time cares not for whom it goes fast nor for whom it goes slow. Time passes as it may, and we are always swept along with it. Time is not a beast to be trained, nor is it a man to be bribed. Time is the ocean. Time is the endless lull of waves, controlled by a celestial force we may only think we understand. In the end, we are all drawn under, despite how we may thrash and scream and try. We are at the whims of Time. Time is- “Number 409, come to window number 6.” “Damn, it took them long enough. I was dying from the wait.”
“What do you mean he asked you out?” Heather scoffed.
Tori twirled her hair nervously. “I’m really sorry. I wanted to tell you before giving him my answer.” Heather shifted on the cold road. She looked upwards into the sky, searching for the stars, but all she could see was one moving plane. She said nothing to Tori. “Please don’t be mad.” Tori begged. “I won’t say yes unless you give me permission. You’re more important than him, you’re my best friend.” Heather finally spoke. “It’s okay. We dated like a year ago, anyway. I’m totally over him.” “Are you sure?” Tori asked. “I feel bad breaking the golden rule of never dating your friend’s ex.” “I’m sure.” And then, she added in a more compassionate tone, “be careful, though.” Tori squealed and hugged Heather. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She pulled out her cell and began to text him. “And don’t worry, if he breaks my heart we can trash his car together.” Heather smiled. “Deal.” While the stars weren’t visible, the moon sure was. It was nearly full, and it’s light shone on Heather’s tears. But Tori wasn’t looking, she was too busy texting him “i would luv 2 go on a date with u!!” “Let’s go on a walk to get some blood flowing.” Heather suggested. “Maybe down by the creek?” Tori put her phone in her pocket. “Sounds good to me.” They walked side by side, steps in sync. The first few drops of rain hit their faces, but they ignored it. A little water never killed anybody. “So what about you?” Tori grinned playfully. “Anyone sliding into your DMs?” “Ew, don’t say it like that.” Heather stuck out her tongue. “You sound like you’re twelve.” Tori tried again, “fine, has anyone “shown interest” in you?” Heather shook her head. “You’ve always been the pretty one,” she admitted, eyes tracing Tori’s shining face. “Don’t say that! You’re pretty, too.” Tori insisted. Heather blushed and mumbled, “I’m too focused on school to think about dating right now.” Tori rolled her eyes. “You’re the smartest person I know, you shouldn’t worry so much.” Heather sighed. “If I’m gonna be an environmental scientist, I can’t slack off.” “If I’m gonna be an environmental scientist, I can’t slack off.” Tori mocked. “Oh, come on. Being a scientist can’t be that hard. It’s just test tubes and rats.” “Not environmental science. If we’re gonna progress into the future, we have to steer away from nonrenewable energy resources to ones like wind, solar, nuclear -” “Christ, I feel like this is the beginning of a research paper.” Tori gagged. They walked in comfortable silence for awhile on to a gravel path. The lack of words might have been awkward with any other person, but Tori and Heather didn’t need conversation to fill empty space. The rain was now a steady sprinkle, and Heather wiped her eyes. Tori thought it was the rain. Suddenly, Heather grabbed Tori’s arm. They stumbled together, nearly falling flat on the gravel. “What the hell was that for?” Tori snapped. Heather gestured in front of them. “The creek.” Normally, the creek was 50 meters in front of them, lazy and waist-high. But the tremendous rainfall over the past few days had made it rise far beyond its usual borders. It moved fast just inches from the girls. “Oh.” Tori said. “Oh, I didn’t know the rain was this bad.” Heather kicked a stone into the water. “Me neither.” Tori laughed. “Actually, I remember Mr. Ryan telling us in class how it screwed up his electricity. Like some power plant shut down and all the food in his frigerator went bad.” Heather laughed nervously and stumbled over her words.“Maybe finally, I mean, maybe he’ll finally stop eating frozen pizza and start grading our essays we handed in three weeks ago.” Tori's phone buzzed. Instinctively, she reached into her back pocket. She could already guess what it said, something like “Great ! <3 Maybe this weekend we could see a movie, or whatever u wanna do ;)” Heather’s eyes widened and she forgot how to breathe. She glanced at the water, then at Tori. Just as Tori's fingers brushed her phone, Heather exclaimed, “I bet you won’t go for a swim!” Tori drew her hand away from her phone and shook her head, “No way! It’s freezing and dark.” “Five bucks?” Heather egged her on. “Come on, peer pressure, peer pressure.” Tori stepped into the water, only ankle-deep at the edge. “I don’t know…” “I’ll take a snap! People will think you’re so crazy. Does he follow your snapchat?” Heather pulled out her phone and opened the app. “He does.” She took another step in. “Okay, I guess. I’ll be the reckless teen my parents never wanted me to be.” Heather’s eyes widened. “I know for a fact this is not the most reckless thing you’ve done.” She clicked the flash on and held the “record” button. “Allright, I’m filming, go!” Tori turned to face the camera, her voice raising an octave. “This is literally so damn stupid, but I’m gonna get five dollars, so.” And then she held out her arms like Jesus on the cross, closed her eyes, and fell back into the silver creek. She resurfaced almost immediately, coughing and letting out a curse word between each gasp for air. Her clothes stuck tight to her body and her hair stuck flat against her head. She tried to run out of the creek, but tripped and fell on her knees, hands sinking into the mud. Heather ended the video and looked curiously down at Tori, wanting to help her up but reluctant to get wet. “You okay?” Tori struggled to her feet and out of the water. “Hell no, everything I’m wearing is soaked!” She wrapped her arms around herself, shaking in the rain. Heather bit her lips and stared down, guilty. Without looking up, she took off her jacket and handed it to Tori. Tori smiled wide as she pulled Heather’s useless wet coat around her shoulders. “I just got paid to do something stupid on camera. I’m basically a cam girl now.” Tori’s teeth chattered. Heather forced a laugh. “Let’s go home.” They walked close, but not touching, along the gravel. The closest house light was now visible, but just barely, in the distance. Heather glanced down at the space between her hand and Tori’s, but she sighed and did nothing. For a moment, the rain stopped. Tori stopped and stumbled, clutching her stomach. She choked, and then vomited across the leaves and dirt. It splashed on the ground. She desperately tried to stop herself, to take a breath, but she couldn’t. Liquid puke poured out of her like squeezing a sponge. Finally, her stomach was empty. Her throat burned and the nauseating smell hit like a wave. She began to cry, “I wanna go home, I don’t feel good.” And then Tori screamed. “My skin burns!” Heather looked at her arms. Even in the dim light, she could see they were an alarming red. Tori shook violently. “Help!” She took an uncertain step towards Heather. “Help me!” But Heather only backed away, terrified. Tori’s face was red, too. And then it wasn’t just red, but blistering. Small boils popped between crevices of skin. Her face was splitting. Her arms and legs, too. Her skin was falling off in peels to reveal orange and red bubbles boiling and then bursting. Heather looked to her face again and was met by a torturous expression. Tori didn’t have lips anymore, or a nose. Her eyes remained, but now they were entirely black. It seemed like Tori tried to speak, but her vocal cords must have melted away. Her skeletal hands reached out. She wanted Heather to hold her. But Heather blinked, and there was nothing left to hold. She blinked again and sirens and blazing lights spiraled around her. Police and doctors asked a lot of questions, but Heather didn’t have a lot of answers. She blinked and she was in her mother’s arms. Her mother was saying “I’m so sorry,” except Heather was the one who should’ve been apologizing. She blinked and read the words “nuclear power plant” and “waste leaked into river after the storm.” She knew what they meant, and she wished she wasn’t so smart. She blinked and saw the pretty casket. But it couldn’t trick her. She knew what ugliness lay inside. i've always been scared of the sea
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